It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

[Photo Edition]

I just love this time of the year. The lights and the music and the decorations and the shopping and the baking and the parties.

But this year we have so much to be thankful for. My dad has his one year post check-up on Monday, and we got a thumbs up from the doctor. He had a scare with some blood results about a month ago, but after a CT scan and a colonoscopy, he was given the all clear (for now)!!! What a true Christmas blessing! I think our whole entire family received the best Christmas present EVER this year. My dad's health. And I know one little girl in particular that has brightened up some of the darkest days...


Other than that we've been busy, busy, busy.

We've done some decorating...

At home


And at Gram & Gramp's


And some undecorating at a friend's house...

But really, who can resist a candy cane that looks like THAT?

Claire's been doing lots of hanging out in her jammies playing with her new stuff that Ryan's mom brought over last weekend for Christmas...


Look, there's snow in the background!




We did a little baking with Gram and Auntie





And spent lots of time just hanging out with friends and having fun.




Merry Christmas from our family to yours!



Ryan, Sarah & Claire Elizabeth

Dear Santa,

Thank you for finally allowing me to talk DH into a new camera. It arrived on Tuesday and I've practiced a little (a lot)...with one cute subject, I might add.



Some are too dark and some are too shadowy...





When she's had enough, she lets me know...



And so I moved onto a more cooperating subject!


And Santa, I think that the new x-box under the tree was a good distraction for DH...

Love,

Sarah

Not So Wordless Wednesday

I love this kid. I mean, really, really, really, REALLY love this kid. She is so fun and so animated. And I love that her sense of humor is just like mine. I love that she "tricks" us and teases us. I love that she hides behind the couch and we have to call her name over and over because we "can't find her". I love that every.single.time you walk in a room she says "HI!!!" like she hasn't seen you in years. I love the way she can smile with her eyes. I love that she is the best little mommy in the whole wide world.



Ahhhh, my love.

Embarrassing Mommy Moment, #1

Claire has been curious about our bodies lately. Specifically my boobs. She constantly pulls my shirt down and looks at them and touches them, which is fine - they were hers for 9 months. I didn't want to name them "boobs" or "breasts" so I call them my "milks", which is what my mom called them when we were little. Weird, maybe a little. BUT, in a family that breastfeeds, not so much. This is all fine when we're at home, and she's doing it to ME...

We went to dinner last week with my aunts and cousins. Claire was sitting with my cousin Katie reading a book. Out of nowhere, she reached up and cupped Katie's boob in her hands, yes both of her hands, and proclaimed "MILKS!!" She was so proud of herself, and Katie was frozen. Probably shocked. I removed Claire's hands, telling her, yes those are Katie's milks, but we don't touch other people's.

What else could I do?

The first of many embarrassing mom moments!

19 Months

We had Claire's 18 (ish) month appointment last night. 18/19 month stats Weight: 22.12 pounds 25% Length: 30 1/4 inches 50% Head: 49 cm 90% (down from the 95%-YEAH!) Dr. Quinn was pleased with everything and that makes for very happy and proud parents. LOVE this video...it shows her personality to a T - sorry about the sideways view!!!!

Dear Santa, for Christmas this year, I want...

36 days
9 hours and
52 minutes until Christmas.

I'm kind of stumped on what to get Claire for Christmas this year. Christmas is a HUGE deal in our family, and Santa always goes completely overboard with presents.

So far I've gotten her a play tent (she loves these things) a Water Baby (do you gals remember these!?!?!?)that she can bring in the bathtub with her, a musical instrument set with a drum, tambourine, and maracas, and I'm on the search for an upholstered arm chair for her. I've gotten her some new books and some new jammies, but other than that, I'm lost!!!

What are you getting your little ones that are around Claire's age for Christmas?? I need some ideas...

because this little girl has been VERY good this year!

Life

Life happens. You blink your eyes and a second has passed. Just like that. Blink and it's gone. You've missed one second of your life in one single blink. And to some, a second is just that. A second. Not to me.

Chaos. My life is so far beyond my control right now, my head is spinning. I love control. I thrive on it. And my life is just a mess.

Cancer. I hate you. My dad's oncologist called Friday with the news any cancer family dreads, "your numbers are up." I am numb. I cannot cry any more tears. What's the point?

Layoffs. Ryan's been laid off for months. We're so accustomed to a two income lifestyle. Unemployment is a joke. It doesn't even cover our mortgage. Ryan's health insurance runs out in February and we need the dual insurance's for Claire. Her splints are so expensive and with only my insurance, we pay $500 per pair out of pocket.

In-laws. Where do I begin. They live 10 minutes away and his mother hasn't seen Claire since August. His dad hasn't seen her for 11 months...since last Christmas. The hurt and pain is so deep there that I can't begin to describe the feelings that I have for those people. Do you know that his mother called 2 days after Halloween and didn't even ASK what Claire was...didn't even ask...And the fact that my husband won't grow a backbone and stick up for me just makes me literally sick to my stomach.

Holidays. I dread them. I dread the awkwardness that comes with seeing his family. I wish it were different. I am dreading Christmas Eve already...

I'm just in a funk. I can't seem to snap out of it. Life is tough. It's been a tough year and a half for me. I hate to complain, because I have to much to be thankful for, but please God, give me a break. I need a break. Physically and mentally, I need a break. I just can't be the rock that I have been this past year and half.

So, as I sit here at 12:03 am and google cancer numbers and the economy and dealing with the holidays when you can't stand your in-laws, I wonder why am I putting this out there for the world to read. Because it feels good. It feels so f*cking good to get it off my chest, off my mind, and not actually have to SAY it. Because that would be admitting defeat, and I am too strong to be defeated.

Maybe sleep will come tonight...